this basement isn't big enough for our love

Craigs List Post 'Preview' (posting tomorrow)- HAPPY VALENTINES!!!
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"This basement isn't big enough to hold our love"

Cause we're like that- two people together, whose love makes cinder blocks buckle.
Paneling weak.
Wall to wall carpet is no match for our passion. We need fields of mold resistant industrial grade sea foam green shag carpet to contain us.
The wall trophies aren't safe with passion this intense!
To toss you in the air, till your head hits a ceiling tile and then, back into my waiting arms.
Je t'adore!
I want to throw you down on the shellacked driftwood coffee table and devour you.
The flickering light off your body from the electric fireplace is truly captivating.
I don't know whether to consume you or smother you to put the flames out!
You're sweating- It's hot down here, let me make you a nice cool 'tiger milk' pina colada from the tiki bar. Meow!
Like that? Here, let me wipe that. You have a mustache.
That noise? Wait, my mom's trying to tell me something through the heating vent.
Oh, I think she's saying 'I mell toke' or wait, maybe 'I smell smoke'?. You're gonna have to put that 'More' cigarette out.
Thanks, you can smoke if you blow it through the crack in the casement window Umm.
Why don't we move over to the plush sectional velour sofa?
Yeah? You like?
Let me straighten out that cushion for you- there, aren't we comfy now?
You know your eyes look like Karen Black's in this light. I'm sure You've heard that before.
No? Well they do.
Wait- I'm sorry, I think my watch is caught on your gold lame' dress.
Let me take that off...

(inspired by a friend)