Monday, August 16, 2010

winter's a bummer

I will add... I had a prophetic dream about this months before he announced his retirement. In my dream, there was a circle of people that came to learn something from Joaquin. They were there to have a music lesson. They were very excited to be there. However, when he came out, he looked like hell. He was disheveled. His clothes were too big. His face was very very dark like he hated himself with a passion. The anger emanated from him. His face was distorted. His nose was pushed up into his face like a pig, but it was destroyed. He couldn't walk. His bones were stiff and distorted. He was in pain. I immediately awoke and sat up in bed. A deep voice said to me, "He will become a shadow of himself." I asked, "What?" It then said, "It's called judgment." I wasn't sure what that meant. I asked, "Judgment? Who? Me on him? Him on himself? God?" I felt compelled to write him. There is so much more to this that I cannot write about here. A lot of coincidences/synchronocity happened to me, as if to make it obvious I had to send it out, but I didn't do anything about it. I chickened out. And now I regret it VERY MUCH. Like there'd been a way to get it to him anyway. Last thing I wanted was to embarrass myself (And unfortunately I am doing it now). I almost tried, but then I got spooked. I wrote a riddle for him and sent it to LIV - the place he performed at in Miami. PART of it said: "Spring is near, but not quite Summer. Either's good 'cause Winter's a bummer. Fall is my favorite, though maybe not so much for you. Good God, man. You jumped into a zoo..." Then there was a couple other lines. If you remember, he took a dive off stage. I always wondered if that's why. That was the first instance that made me wonder if it was just acting. I don't know what to think now I am reading about the movie. It seems to fit the feeling in the dream. It's not over yet, I don't think. If you could fathom what I saw in my dream. All the people there were incredibly disgusted, shocked, heartbroken, and very disappointed that he fell to such depths of darkness and self-destruction. The damage was done & there was nothing anyone could do about it. I regret not sending that stuff. I wonder if I could've stopped it. I feel like such a jackass for saying this. But if you're one of those who's new agey or spiritual, you might understand my dilemma. I think was supposed to send this stuff. I didn't. That happened. I don't know what to do. I can't just drop it, ignore it and pretend it didn't happen (I mean I can, but it wouldn't sit right with my conscience). The thing is, it might not be over. That scares me & I had hoped this doc would put my mind at ease. It doesn't. And for those who are going to comment, I already know. In a dream 2 weeks ago, he sat next to me at cafeteria table while I had a folder opened in front of me. He was shaggy again. He tucked in a slip of paper and walked away. He was indifferent. I took the slip out. On it was scrawled, "You open for press." It didn't make sense then. It does now. So here it is. And save it. I know what dreams are and I know the difference between them and ones that mean something. Believe or don't believe. I still can't figure it out & I wish this whole thing would be concluded already. So those of you who say does anyone care? Yes. I do. I want to know what it means


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